Faith Middleton Show: I'm Perfect, You're Doomed

Rejection of Family Members

My husband's family converted to the JW faith when he was a child. He endured numerous threats of rejection and intense pressure from his family and members of the society throughout his teen years yet held true to his own beliefs and did not join the faith. More than 25 years later as an adult in his early 40's, he is an atheist, has a younger brother that "shuns" us openly, parents that are very distant and deals with deep feelings of abandonment and distrust placed on him by his family and their society. As his wife of over 15 years, I can tell you this is a real issue and the damage being done by people of this faith is almost insurmountable. How in the name of religion can a family turn on their own and threaten to disown their own children, not care for them, remove them from their home and instill deep fear and distrust if they don't follow the same beliefs - yet they are not to be held accountable through the guise of religion. This is unconscionable. This is one of the boldest forms of child abuse I have ever seen. It is real, it is long lasting, it is damaging to the individual and their social relationships. If you don't believe it, you've never really seen someone so damaged by this group as I have. Look closer and you will see it. And good luck to those who choose to tackle it. It is a tough road bringing an individual back from the darkness put upon them by those they loved and trusted. Shame upon you who damage your children in the name of your own selfish beliefs. Shame on you who turn your backs on your own flesh and blood, to threaten and psychologically harm those you claim to love. You have become the abuser hiding behind the robes of your faith.

RE: Not Quite

My comment, "...anyone who is a child of a Jehovah's Witness is never forced to become a Jehovah's Witnesses themselves. That decision must be made solely by that individual." is not misleading or disingenuous. In my experience, I have never known anyone who was shunned or rejected by their family if they decide to not become one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I do however know many individuals who have decided not to become one of Jehovah's Witnesses and still have loving relationships with their parents and family. There is nothing in our teaching that says that family members must be shunned if they decide not to become a Jehovah’s Witnesses. I will say that this would be a different story if someone was baptized as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and then was later disfellowshipped, then the family of the disfellowshipped person would have to decide what sort of relationship they would have with that person. I understand that there are always exceptions to this, for example a Jehovah’s Witnesses parent might choose to not to have contact with their non-Witness children, but is NOT a recommended course of action or a teaching of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Another point, someone who wishes to be baptized is not just automatically baptized. Such a person would have to demonstrate that they fully understand and agree with the beliefs of Jehovah’s Witnesses and also be emotionally mature before they would be eligible for baptism. I also disagree with and take offense at the statement that I take “gleeful delight” in the destruction of anyone…this is insulting and far from the truth. Although I respect your opinion , such blanket statements such as “it is hardly a lifestyle which appeals to well-adjusted individuals” and “Few, if any people become Jehovah's Witnesses as adults unless they are contacted at a very vulnerable and weakened point in their lives” are just that, your opinion and not based on any fact.

Rather than believing myself or anyone else who comments here I encourage anyone who has questions about Jehovah’s Witnesses to do their own research to make a balanced and well informed opinion on their own.

Not quite

Shawn's comments include; "...anyone who is a child of a Jehovah's Witness is never forced to become a Jehovah's Witnesses themselves. That decision must be made solely by that individual." This is, at best, a misleading statement and at worst completely disengenuous. Children raised in a witness family eventually must decide with accepting the convoluted teaching of the church, or suffering the rejection of their family and friends if they choose another path. In that Jehovah's Witnesses currently experience the highest attrition rate among children of followers of all "majpr" religions, it is hardly a lifestyle which appeals to well-adjusted individuals. Few, if any people become Jehovah's Witnesses as adults unless they are contacted at a very vulnerable and weakened point in their lives. A mentally-healthy person would not be drawn to a group whose central teaching involves the impending destruction of everyone on Earth except them, and gleeful delight taken in that expectation. Unless their children share the same fantasy-prone tendancies that their parents have, it is very unlikely that they will remain on that same path.

My life as a Jehovah's Witnesses.

After listening to the show yesterday, I would also like to share my experiences about becoming one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Unlike the author, I was not raised from childhood as a Jehovah's Witness. My family was Lutheran and attended church regularly until I was 15 years old. My parents studied with and became Jehovah's Witnesses, but I was never forced to attend meetings or change in any way, in fact I still celebrated Christmas without any resistance from my parents. I decided on my own to study the Bible and become one of Jehovah's Witnesses when I was 18 years old, partly due to the positive changes I was experiencing in my family life. To address some of the comments made by Kyria Abrahams, first, anyone who is a child of a Jehovah's Witness is never forced to become a Jehovah's Witnesses themselves. That decision must be made solely by that individual. This is also the reason why we do not practice infant baptism; we believe that someone who is considering baptism must be able to make an informed decision. Do parents hope that their children will also become Witnesses? Of course they do, but is this also not the case in most religions? Second, the purpose of female members of the congregation not directly facing the congregation has nothing to do with not being able to teach, it has to do with the fact it would be very difficult to have a realistic conversation with someone whom you are not looking at. Also, if women were not allowed to teach, why would they be allowed to participate in the ministry work and teach interested ones they meet? Third, I am sorry that Kyria had a bad marriage, but it is never encouraged for anyone to get married at such a young age! The exact opposite is true; it is encouraged to wait for a time when you are mature enough to fully understand the responsibilities of marriage. Marriage is a serious commitment, one that is taken far too lightly in society today. I do admit that when we do date, it is with the goal of marriage in mind, not just to date “just to date”. This serves as a protection against many things, for example, unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Fourth, even though I am the head of my household, my wife and I make decisions together and work as a team in our marriage. Finally, I believe that Kyria’s choice for the title of her book is incorrect. Jehovah’s Witnesses never claim to be perfect, we are all imperfect people, and we all make mistakes. I do not personally claim to know the details of Kyria’s life, but, it seems that she wants to place all blame of her negative experiences on Jehovah’s Witnesses, when there are many other factors involved, including personal decisions that she has made and that that we all make in life.

I actually enjoyed listening

I actually enjoyed listening to this piece though I entirely disagree with the author's views. I'm not one of Jehovah's Witnesses, because I'm not baptized, but I am a young person (a teenager) being raised to become one. I simply want to add my perspective as a young person coming of age in this faith.

I am happy being raised this way. And believe me, I need no one to bully me into saying these things. In fact, I'm sure my parent's have no idea I'm on the computer at nearly midnight. All the things that Kyria hated about being raised in this fashion are all the things I love and appreciate. Though sometimes I'm tempted to watch R rated movies, I don't , because I realize that it's not appropriate for children my age, and most of the films being put out are of no benefit to me or my spirituality. Not celebrating birthdays and Christmas has never bothered me, we do a lot of celebrating as it is, and material things have never been in the foundation of our lives. About sisters not being able to face the congregation-- I've never heard it. In fact at our Kingdom hall they angle the chairs toward the audience, some presentations are given entirely facing the audience. Another thing that bugged me was hearing that the door-to-door work in ineffective. That's entirely false! In fact Jw's have gained more than one million within the past decade.

I enjoy field service, the meetings, and doing talks on the Theocratic Ministry School and my friends who aren't of my faith are tolerant of my beliefs, some are even interested. Doing talks since I was young has only made me a more eloquent speaker in all situations, and has helped me coped with my anxiety. I attribute some of my being in college so early to doing talks. Being raised this way has only made me a more loving, intelligent, and spiritually aware human being. I'm planning on getting baptized for now, because so far, I see so much good in what I am learning.