The Nose: Touchy Words And Nail Polish For Boys
The nose picks through the week in pop culture.
You look around. You see the strides. We have a gay mayor in Hartford. He had some problems last week explaining the financial arrangements of his spouse. He didn't have any problems explaining that his spouse is a man. Our state comptroller is a man married to another man. They have a son. As far as I could tell, it just wasn't a campaign issue. I could cite a half a dozen more examples of leaps toward tolerance, but they're all a little deceptive. Gay people still get beaten up and even killed by people who don't participate in that climate of tolerance. In London this week, two gay men were kicked out of a pub for kissing.
That's why a lot of people think Kobe Bryant should have been punished in a way that matters for the way he used an anti-gay epithet on the court. The man takes a helicopter to work. A fine of $100,000 is going to hurt him.
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Kobe's Comment
Check out the commercial with Wanda Sykes....it is the same idea behind Kobe's slur. Yes, these words are very hurtful to certain groups of people, but even more so, I believe, their underlying meanings are defamatory and insulting on even the most basic level to anyone.
E-mail from Sally
I listened to your show with great interest today and wanted to call in but I was on the highway.
I encounter that questions of how to handle gender bias in children while working in many and varied homes every day.
For years I've struggled with how to handle gender biases in my work. A little boy asks me for a pink balloon or asks me to paint a pink butterfly on his face. In times past, I've tried to direct them to a different decision, either painting the butterfly blue or perhaps red, a typically gender neutral color. I've examined my own motives in those times and came to the conclusion that I was trying to spare the child ridicule. And in the times I've given the child his full request, he WAS ridiculed more often than not. I've had a parent scold me and demand that I remove the painting from the child's face and re-paint a "boy" picture. This has happened more than once. The other children or perhaps just one other child will call him a queer, a fag or gay. And I am always amazed to see the behavior go uncorrected. Even more humilitating is the parent that would rebuke a child for his decision in front of all his friends. I've seen this too often as well.
I am just the entertainer and as such I tell the adults in my contract that I am not the disciplinarian, that I'm not there to lecture or interfere with the over all control of the group. However, in these cases, I've wanted to protect these children from the thoughtless attacks. It's an awful dilemma for me and for, I'm sure, other children's entertainers.
My husband, who is also a clown and a magician, has taken the lead for me in helping me to be true to myself as he is to himself in these situation. I admire him. When a boy asks him for a pink teddy bear, he will make it. If a comment comes up, he deflects it by saying, "Lighten up! It's just a color!" Or some other rather brilliant remark. I've gotten comfortable with avenging the child who gets picked on for their selections. And my vast selection of "come backs" has been working to defuse what used to be an inevitably uncomfortable situation. And I will even challenge the adults who dare criticize a childs choice.
Then there is the politics of clowning as our clown community is inundated with born again Christians. (Long story) And I worry about the way they handle these situations. More important and problematic is that child that may, in fact, be gay. What are these bias doing to them? How can we keep them safe from this? I wish I knew. But in my own small way, I will be their defender, one party at a time.
Good show today, Colin. And, as usual, I wished it was longer.
E-mail from Pete
Am I naive to think that I cannot be insulted unless I give a person permission to insult me?
What happened to the old say: "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me?
Am I being naive?
E-mail from Kathy
When I was a “little girl” back in the 50’s, my brother wanted his nails painted because my mom painted mine for me. She painted his so that he wouldn’t feel left out...and that was it. One time and I don’t think he ever asked again. I think folks make too big a deal about this kind of stuff.
E-mail from Sara
Both the neon pink toenails and hateful words take on a different perspective based on personal experiences with intolerance and ignorance. As an adult I know that the world is not always a civil place and that human nature often fears anything different. Fear usually leads to hate, isolation and violent behavior or speech. As a parent I try so prevent my son from experiencing hate first hand before he has a chance to develop into the adult he will be. I'm all for dudes wearing nail polish. (I grew up with Kiss and Glamour Rock so to me it's as normal as the banana clip) but cruel words like fag should not be directed as kids before they understand that bigotry exists but so too does acceptance. Both can grow with age and just as I wouldn't go to Limited Too (for little girls) and buy my 7 year old neice a padded bra for fear of putting her in an outfit that attract sexual attention that she was not yet ready to defend against, I wouldn't paint my young son's fingernails for fear of abuse from small minded people who use words like fag.
E-mail from Laura
My son is 12 ½, 7th grade. He is mixed race, and I’ve had many conversations with him about many issues.
One day, he came home and said “they don’t use the word gay anymore; they use faggot”. I was so taken aback, it took me a day to calmly tell him that just like the “N” word, it is highly derogatory and not okay.
He was so innocent when he said it, I could not get angry.
It’s about not being ignorant and being consistent in our message, and sometimes that’s a challenge.
I am raising my son not only to be enlightened but to be an Advocate, and it is a daily way of life. Now, we are addressing how he can be an Advocate in school against bullies, a new and very positive approach in his school that has had very positive results in a very short time.
E-mail from Tony
I think Kobe's punishment should be suspension for a few games without pay. This would probably hurt the team, but his teammates (and the NBA) would get the message, too.
Keep up the good work!
E-mail from Rick
Why don’t we also include retarded when discussing derogatory words. With two boys with special needs I find that term very offensive.
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